I wish I could teleport
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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