I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
