Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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