C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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