We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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