Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
