Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
