Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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