I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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