my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
