Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
it's like iHOP with fire
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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