somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize