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Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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