also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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