I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
