I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
