Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
