i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
