I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
