glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
