I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just had sex on a roof
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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