So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
