the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
MIDGETS
????
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
