So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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