he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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