That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Congratulations! We have a period
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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