Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
