had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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