I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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