we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
