I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
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