i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
They took my balls.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
