The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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