Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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