Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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