Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
