i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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