The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
