its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
