He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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