I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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