The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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