Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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