it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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