I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
