I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
