Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
