it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
