if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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