they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
