i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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