...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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