I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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