i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He kissed a someone with a penis
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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