I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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