Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
