I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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