I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize