Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
