I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
