I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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