no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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