normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
