it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
