my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
