So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
