About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
