Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
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