dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
