yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
bring money and cleavage
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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