what day is it and did you see me today?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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