I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize