He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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