Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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