Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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