Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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