i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
