You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
