I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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