Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
