So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
