She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
