I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
