the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
