Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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