Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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