I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
