It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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