the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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